


Resignation

by CascadePD



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28166121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CascadePD/pseuds/CascadePD
Summary: This story fills some gaps between 2:01-The Seige Part 3 and 2:02-The Intruder explaining more about John's promotion and a budding relationship with Elizabeth.
Relationships: John Sheppard/Elizabeth Weir
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this fic was initially written in 2006 and posted to LJ, but I never finished it and flat forgot about it. It's also one of only a couple of full length fics I've ever written! So in the last 15 years, I've done an overhaul, because let's be honest, what we write in our wide-eyed twenties and what reality is in our forties is quite different. I've taken some artistic liberties with the timing of flashback sequences featured in the episode and where Elizabeth lives. Because it'd be weird if Simon still lived in her house after a year and dating someone else, right? I mean dude, you're a doctor. Go buy your own house.
> 
> Oh and before I forget, if you remember Sparky...this is Sparky.

“I’ve met someone. You were gone a long time.” Simon’s words echoed in her ears. 

Dinner forgotten, she extinguished the candle and moments later responded, “I see.” Elizabeth had left abruptly feeling like she’d been slapped in the face. Not wanting Simon to see how badly he’d hurt her, she fled not even saying goodbye. Her drive home seemed to pass by in a matter of seconds. Tears escaped her eyes betraying her perfect composure. Mentally she scolded herself for letting Simon get to her. _I've dealt with terrorists…I can handle this._

Before she knew it, she was standing in front of her apartment unlocking the door. Elizabeth absently removed her shoes and tossed her jacket and purse on the entry way table as she passed by. Making her way to the nearly bare refrigerator, she opened it finding the object of her desire. She uncorked the nicely chilled bottle of wine, pouring the yellowish substance into a glass. She sipped the wine allowing the tangy liquid to spread across her tongue. Taking the full glass to the living room, she spread out onto the plush beige sofa pulling a lap blanket closely around her. Lightning flashed beyond the windows illuminating the night sky, thunder following shortly behind. _Great…rain…perfect end to a perfect day,_ she thought sardonically.

The shock was wearing off and the reality of the evening was starting to set in. Another tear threatened to escape. She wiped it away and picked at a lone piece of lint from the blanket that had attached itself to the lace of her blouse. Elizabeth allowed another tear to form and slowly trail down her face.

Confusion and contradiction dominated her thoughts. It was petty to be upset that Simon had left her. Being so willing to leave him behind would have definitely sent the ‘I’m just not that into you’ message. Regardless, it angered her that Simon had cheated on her. She knew in the end, this was largely her fault. She had been unrealistic in thinking that Simon would take a VHS version of a 'Dear John' in stride. Like he wouldn’t be hurt? Elizabeth knew she couldn’t expect a flesh and blood man to not assume that it was over, to not assume that he would never see her again. Because that had been the reality she faced. She didn't know if she would ever come back. She had known it then, but was too much of a coward to tell him in person. What if he had talked her out of going, like she had been afraid of?

Here she sat again, year later, and still in the same position. Finding Simon’s name on the list of top physicians to embark on the next phase of the Atlantis mission was a shock. She had been pleased to see his name there but just couldn’t understand why Carson did not have him on the confirmed list. Hearing Carson say that Simon had refused to sign the consent forms was quite a blow. Why would he not want to go? Finally Elizabeth’s head would be able to stop arguing with her heart. Simon would be there with her. No more confusion.

But when confronting him yesterday, he said he needed more time. Simon needed more time? She should have known then. There she was a master of reading people and she couldn’t see what was in front of her face. But HE should have said something then too. Why did he hide his new relationship? Why bother with the pretense of dinner?

As she took another sip of the wine, another thought came to mind. Even though she felt great animosity towards Simon, she realized he had also done her a favor. A small sense of relief washed over her. She was free. She didn’t have to worry what her head wanted and what her heart wanted. Simon made that decision for her. She had been fighting a losing battle from the moment she stepped through that stargate into the great unknown. The reality was, she didn’t love him. The trip home only confirmed the fact. She allowed a small smile at the thought.

Though Elizabeth had found freedom, she wished that she could go back and change how she treated her crew over the last year. On so many occasions she had wanted to reach out to someone else for companionship, but chided herself when she would get too close because of Simon...because of decorum. She had almost lost those dearest to her on too many occasions. She never allowed herself the opportunity to tell them how much they meant to her.

How much he meant to her. Major John Sheppard. Her partner in leadership, her best friend, and quite possibly something more that she couldn’t quite define.

She couldn’t bear the thought of losing him to the Wraith or to her own inaction. Elizabeth knew that it was too close the last time. He ran up the stairs looking back only once. She knew in her heart she’d never see him again. He wanted to play kamikaze and it was the only way to save them and to save Earth. In that last look, she tried to hide the regret and fear. She was afraid she’d never be able to see that devilish grin that gave her the butterflies every time he flashed it. She was afraid she loved him more than just a friend. She was afraid that he didn’t feel the same way. She was petrified that the wrong people would find out.

Elizabeth finished the glass of wine and rose from the sofa. Padding over to the balcony door, she peered over the cityscape watching the lightning. Streams of water were just beginning to trail down the pane. Elizabeth admired the differences of the two cities: Washington DC and its low buildings and grand monuments versus Atlantis’s tall elegant spires teetering over a great nameless ocean. She felt a pang of longing for Atlantis. Her city. Her people. Her home.

She couldn't help but reflect over the past year. At first she had hoped to return to Earth fairly soon after establishing the expedition's residence in Atlantis. Though she knew that may not be possible if they, or Earth, could not find the resources to power the gate for a return trip. There had just been so many unknowns at the time. 

At some point (and she had no idea when) she stopped thinking about returning to Earth as often. She had become more focused on making sure her people were safe and survived the harsh realities of Pegasus. Disease, unforgiving environments, technological accidents; those she had anticipated. Life-sucking aliens? Secret nuclear weapons manufacturing? Hostile takeovers? No. Those had definitely not been on her list. 

Being on Earth again felt agitating like a shoe that was a half size too small. Sure, you can live with it, but you can't wait to get home to take it off. Maybe it was the din of the city, or the constant barrage of debriefings and meetings that left her on the defensive. Regardless, she missed Atlantis and the soothing sounds of the ocean.

A tentative knock on her door stirred her from her reverie. Dread edged in as she walked across the apartment. She silently begged for the person on the other side of the door to be anyone other than Simon. A wraith queen would be preferred at that point. Her pulse pounding she peered out the peephole finding messy dark hair, and a face sporting a wince. She wiped her face from any smeared makeup and tears. Deeming it safe, Elizabeth exhaled sharply. She opened the door, dread replaced with curiosity.

She watched him scratch the back of his head. He seemed to be staring very intently at a mud spot on the doormat. She smiled at the man before her. “Major?”

Sheppard started, finally taking his eyes off the carpeted floor. “Hi…uh, do you mind if I…” he gestured at the space behind her.

“Yeah…yeah come on in,” she offered, taking his dark sports coat laying it on top of her own on the entry way table. “So what brings you here? This isn’t really in your neighborhood,” she commented, following him into the main living room.

“Uh, no. It isn’t,” he quickly answered, adjusting the sleeves on his white dress shirt nervously. Hoping to divert the conversation, John admired the small but functional apartment. It was immaculate and adorned with souvenirs, he assumed, from her many world travels. “This is nice. Exactly what I expected. This place really suits you.” He was silent for a moment as he really looked at her for the first time. He noticed her eyes were red rimmed and her make-up slightly streaked from tears. He hesitantly asked, “Uh…are you okay?”

She thought for a moment, not ready to broach that topic, and replied coyly. “Yes and no." After an uncomfortable silence, she remembered her manners. "Can I get you something to drink?” He shook his head, declining the offer. Elizabeth led him towards the sofa, offering him a seat. She gracefully sat on the couch tucking one leg under herself. “Maj—John,” correcting herself. “I know you didn’t fly 1000 miles out of your way just to check out my place. What’s on your mind?” she easily diverted the conversation away from herself.

Sighing, he collapsed onto the couch. “Nothing really,” he straightened up with a half-smile not quite reaching his eyes. She raised an eyebrow, not buying it. Sheppard decided is wasn’t worth fighting, “I just had a visit across town with Ford’s next-of-kin.” He paused for a moment, “That’s just the weirdest term next-of-kin. Why don’t they just say relative?” John shook his head as he digressed. “Anyway, I owed it to him to deliver the message in person.” A pregnant pause followed. “I wonder how that must feel. Some jerk suddenly at your door telling you that 'guess what? Your cousin is lost, can’t find him, and oh yeah, even if we do find him, he may never be the same again?’” He suddenly stood and made his way to the same balcony door Elizabeth stood at a few minutes earlier. “It’s shitty. It’s shitty hearing it, and it’s shitty saying it.”

He turned and looked at her. Concern was etched on her face. “I’ve never had to do this, Elizabeth. It’s always been someone else’s responsibility to deliver the bad news. I don’t know if I’m cut out for this command.” Sheppard lightly leaned against the cool glass door and brought a hand to his weary face rubbing his forehead. Images of Aiden and his single black eye ran through his mind. "I wasn't _supposed_ to command. God knows I've never taken my career seriously enough to plan for this.

"You know, the crazy question is, what nut job would actually want a fuck-up like me commanding anyway? Look at the mess I've created already. Look at what happened to Sumner…to Ford.”

Elizabeth’s eyes narrowed and she sat forward “What are you saying, John?” Fear grabbed her heart as this conversation started to sound like the beginnings of a resignation. 

“Honestly? I don’t know. He is...was...my friend. My teammate. He had my back, and I had his. Now that’s gone…he’s gone.” John turned his back to her and gazed upon the rain fogged city lights. “How many more do we have to lose Elizabeth? How many before it’s too many? Before they shut us down? Part of me says that I can’t go back to that.”

She was stunned to hear the heartfelt words coming from her second-in-command, her friend. Elizabeth had always felt an attraction to John. The moment he sat in the Ancient chair he had her attention. He was easy on the eyes, of course. You’d have to be dead not to notice that. But there was something else that had intrigued her. He pretended to be a simple soldier, but underneath the cocky flyboy attitude, she knew that so much more was buried. It was clear he was uncomfortable discussing anything personal or emotional. Now he was baring his soul to her. HIs tightly held walls were crumbling. The real John Sheppard was standing in front of her. No facetious remarks, no deflecting. Her heart ached hearing his anguish. She knew that she had to do everything in her power to make sure he stayed with her-- _‘With Atlantis’_ she corrected herself. She was not the priority.

“John, I know how you’re feeling right now…probably better than anyone.”

“No, I don’t think you do. It’s not your fault that the Wraith were awakened. You didn’t kill that freak as she drained the life out of your CO. You didn't kill Sumner. You didn’t find a missing Wraith tracking device and then lead your team to dozens of worlds with the Wraith following shortly behind. Then to make it worse, to have to literally sit back and watch as they destroyed entire civilizations! You didn’t command Ford and send him into that ocean to become some kind of weird superfreak, did you? No, that's on me. That's ALL on me!”

Elizabeth was startled at his outburst and brutal honesty. She was compelled to be closer to him. She rose from the sofa and stood next to him at the balcony door. She carefully put her hand on his arm.

Attempting to soothe him, she calmly disagreed. “Those things were not your fault, John. You didn’t know—“

“Ignorance is not innocence, Elizabeth!” he shouted cutting her off mid-sentence. She jerked her hand away.

Sternly she retorted, anger edging in on her already exhausted emotions, “It’s not guilt either, Major. We need you in Atlantis. You're invaluable.”

“Yeah that gene makes me a real asset.” he replied with biting sarcasm.

Elizabeth’s jaw dropped; stunned he would ever think so lowly of her. “That's not fair. You know that's not how it is."

“I can’t go back 'Lizabeth.”

“I will not have you bowing out of your command because it’s too hard. You’re better than that. You don't back down from a challenge. I’ve seen you face impossible odds. Frankly, I refuse to believe that you could live with yourself if you ran."

With steel cold eyes he stared back at her. “Well maybe you don’t know me very well at all.”

“I guess not…I didn’t know you were such a coward.” She saw a spark of irritation and something else. She had hit a nerve, but he kept his mouth shut. Her gut was telling her he was hiding something.

Elizabeth chose her next words carefully, playing on his conflicting emotions. “Amazing. A man, who had the courage to make a morally correct decision to go against direct orders to return to base, rescued a small contingent of army rangers behind enemy lines. That same man had his chopper fired upon by insurgents and was able to bring back said chopper and team of rangers alive. That just doesn’t sound like the same man that is standing in front of me now.

“In fact, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you’re being less than truthful with me.”

Sheppard closed his eyes and dropped his head. He sighed deeply and allowed his piercing green gaze to fall upon her. "You would think that." Abruptly, he turned back to the front door. Grabbing his jacket he stormed out of the apartment leaving Elizabeth in shock.

_What the Hell just happened? How did I let that escalate so quickly?_ Suddenly Elizabeth realized that in so many words he'd just given his resignation. _Oh no! No no no no no!_

Rushing to the door she grabbed her coat, slipped on one shoe and stumbled out the door trying to put on the other one. Catching herself on the hallway wall, she slowed enough to completely slide the shoe on to her foot. She picked up the pace racing towards the elevator, only to find the doors already closed and the car on its way to lobby. Muttering a curse, she made for the stairwell, desperate to catch up to the man who meant so much to her. _Brilliant Elizabeth! The man tried to bare his soul to you. Why don't you just push him over a cliff next time?_ Bursting out of the front doors to the apartment building into the pouring rain, she spotted John a half a block ahead of her half inside a cab.

"MAJOR! JOHN!" she hollered over the din of the thunderstorm. Running as fast as her sodden shoes could take her, she chased after him.

He never heard her desperate plea, or if he did, he ignored it. The taxi door slammed shut and pulled into traffic.

"JOHN!" she cried again, hot tears stinging at her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

_‘Well that could have gone better'_ John thought as he watched the city lights reflect on the raindrops trailing down the taxi window. He closed his eyes remembering the pain he saw in her eyes as he left the apartment. _‘No…it had to be this way, John. You did the right thing.’_ Somehow the assurances he tried enforcing into his mind didn’t take away the guilt. He knew that she would be angry with him, but knowing and experiencing were two different things. It felt wrong. He’d anticipated her to try and talk him out of resigning. The utter disappointment on her face…the betrayal…he’d never expected that. Her tear streaked face on top of it… _’Jesus, she was already upset. Why did I have to go and make it worse? Oh sure she said she was fine…why do women always do that? They’re never really fine!_

The more he pondered the idea of Elizabeth Weir crying, the more it concerned him. He had served over a year with her and never once had he seen her that…vulnerable. He knew she wasn’t made of steel and had feelings, but John knew that it was something serious that had caused her tears. _‘Who did that to her?’_ He pursed his lips into a tight frown. He folded his fingers into a tight fist and pounded his knee once in frustration, angry at the invisible force that had already upset Elizabeth. _‘Well now that you’ve fucked this up, you’ll never know, now will you?’_

_‘No, you did the right thing…you did the right thing.’_ He told him self again, repeating it like a mantra.

oOoFLASHBACKoOo

The trip through the gate was instantaneous as usual and the familiar sights of the Earth gate room appeared in front of him. However, an unfamiliar voice beckoned to the group.

“Welcome back to Earth everyone! I’m General Landry, new commander of the SGC.”

John cast a questioning glance at Rodney who merely shrugged in response. Elizabeth, quick with her manners as always, broke the puzzled silence.

“General Landry, this is a surprise!” she stated hefting her duffel bag to her left hand so she could shake the proffered General’s hand.

“Ah, Dr. Weir, I presume? I’ve heard a lot about you. Don’t worry, General O’Neill was very kind.” Landry chuckled at her raised eyebrows.

Taking the teasing in stride, Elizabeth smiled and introduced her counterparts. “Thank you General, this Doctor Rodney McKay, Doctor Carson Beckett, and my 2IC, Major John Sheppard.”

“General.” John performed a salute and waited for his superior’s command.

“At ease, Major.” Landry replied only glancing at Sheppard. The entourage of explorers began filtering out of the gate room towards the infirmary for their routine check ups. Landry escorted Dr. Weir and Sheppard into the elevator.

Curiosity getting the better of her, “Speaking of General O’Neill, is he—“

“—In D.C.” he finished. The elevator doors opened, depositing the trio near the infirmary. Landry continued, “Jack actually took a desk job. Can you believe it?”

John watched her face as she smiled knowingly. He had heard how much O’Neill had struggled with the idea of commanding this base. “No, he doesn’t seem the type.” she responded, bemused.

“Tell me about it. But after the insanity of this job, I’m starting to understand why.” 

“You don’t have to remind me General. I bought that t-shirt.” she teased.

They rounded a corner and stopped in front of the infirmary doors. Landry smiled and began to retreat towards the elevators. “Well, I’m keeping you from your infirmary visit. I’ve scheduled a briefing at 1330. ”

“We’ll be there General.” Elizabeth replied, as she and Sheppard watched him leave. He offered a curious glance at her, wondering what she made of the new base commander. Her response was a pair of raised eyebrows. John grinned, completely understanding, and opened the door allowing her to enter the infirmary first.

oOoOo

“You wanted to see me General?” John stood at rapt attention inside Landry’s office. The briefing was lengthy between the Atlantis expedition department heads and SGC committee. When it was finally finished, Sergeant Harriman had stopped the Major, notifying him that Landry wanted to see him in his office. John didn’t get a warm fuzzy feeling about this meeting. When the brass wants to see you in private, it usually meant you were in trouble. Or at least, that’s how it had always been in his career.

“Please sit down Major. I’m not one for pleasantries so I’ll cut right to the chase. The SGC Committee, Colonel Caldwell, and I, are concerned about the command of Atlantis. More specifically, the potential influence and emotional attachments that may hinder the ability to command successfully.”

“Sir?” John hesitantly questioned.

“How do you feel about Dr. Weir?”

Major quickly replied, “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.” _Oh stupid move John!_ Sheppard inwardly cringed after realizing what he had just said to a two-star General. He hoped that Landry would chalk up the insubordination to being away from the chain-of-command for too long.

Landry shot him a look to kill. “Major, I’m not used to asking twice. How do you feel about Dr Weir?”

Choosing his words carefully, John replied, “I respect her leadership. She is…an asset to the SGC.”

“You respect her? On at least one occasion you directly disobeyed a direct order from her. For example, the nanovirus incident.”

“There were lives at stake sir. I felt I could help them instead of being locked up in a remote area of the city. As it turns out, I was able to shut down the nanovirus successfully.”

“Hmm. Regardless, there are other concerns that need to be addressed. A member of the expedition, who has asked to remain anonymous, sent a rather lengthy complaint regarding the leadership of Atlantis. One of the many things this disgruntled person mentioned was the relationship between yourself and Dr. Weir.”

“Relationship, sir?”

“This person seems to think that the two of you have grown rather close over the last year. He seemed to feel that it was detracting from the leadership dynamics within the city. Admittedly, this person did not present supporting evidence that the committee saw as relevant. However, the marine detachment sent from the Daedalus witnessed an…event, shall we say, between yourself and Dr. Weir a week ago that raised some eyebrows.”

John paled considerably by the General’s implication. He knew that there were people who had seen himself and Dr. Weir hugging when he had returned from the ‘suicide mission.’ What he didn’t realize was that it would be taken completely out of context and presented to the SGC Committee. He had never considered his personal feelings to become fodder for the expedition members. He knew he had to watch himself when it came to Elizabeth. John knew he couldn’t get too personal, no matter how much he had wanted to. Oh, and he had wanted to on many occasions.

He recalled the first time he met Elizabeth inside the Ancient outpost in Antarctica. He’d felt an instant attraction then. That attraction was only solidified into something much more real when Kolya had threatened her life. He knew at the moment Kolya told him she was still alive, that he would do anything to protect her. He loved her. Since that time, he’d been ignoring the dull ache of longing to protect her position with the expedition. His position had merely been an afterthought.

The General’s stern voice shook John from his thoughts. “You do realize that you are a hairs width from violating the code of conduct that has been set for this expedition?

“Major, I will not force you to leave your posting with Atlantis. However, I will warn you that once Colonel Caldwell returns with the Daedalus, the SGC Committee will meet and appoint him to the position of military commander. He will not tolerate any disobedience, and he will most certainly not tolerate any inappropriate fraternization.

“In fact, I can predict that he will be making your life, and probably that of Dr. Weir’s as well…difficult.” Landry paused to let the reality of the situation sink in.

“I think you know what to do, Major. You’re dismissed.”

John knew exactly what Landry wanted him to do. His blood boiled at the thought of one of the expedition members betraying them like that. He had known exactly who it was, even if he couldn’t prove it. _'Fucking Kavanaugh.'_ He was already on John’s shit list, and now moved directly to the top spot.

For now however, revenge would have to wait. Even though it would destroy him, if he requested a transfer elsewhere, he could eliminate the risk to Elizabeth’s position. That was an easy enough process. However, getting Elizabeth to understand was a totally different problem. She didn’t need to know about this conversation, nor the threat his continued presence would pose. He needed to tell her in person…and maybe exclude some details…

oOoENDFLASHBACKoOo

The cab slowed to a stop in front of his hotel. He paid the driver and exited the cab into the pouring rain. Before John reached the shelter of the hotel’s awning, a furious voice called from behind him.

“Just what the HELL do you think you’re doing?”


	3. Chapter 3

Wiping away the tears, Elizabeth briefly questioned her sanity as she hailed a taxi. A cab pulled up to the curb allowing her to enter.

“Where to?” the cabbie curtly asked.

“Follow that car!” She pointed from the back seat at the retreating cab, her wet sleeve spraying water in the driver’s face.

The driver wiped the moisture from his eyes and did a double take at the obviously insane woman in the back seat.

“You GOTTA be kiddin’ me lady! This ain’t TV.” the cabbie retorted as though she had grown a third eye. 

Elizabeth was in no mood to be diplomatic or even kind. She glared at him, one eyebrow rising evilly. The man cowered, “Ooookaayyy. Following that car it is.”

Elizabeth frowned at the taxi in front of hers as though it has personally done her harm. She was angry at the turn the day’s events had taken. Had events been one or the other…Simon or John, she probably could have taken the emotional roller coaster in stride. But both of them dropping bombs like that in one day? Even her resolve wasn’t that strong.

Her normally patient exterior was shredded, and bare emotion was bleeding through. She had calmed considerably, tears abating, and now her nerves were treating her to a nice dose of agitation. Sheppard’s taxi pulled into a vacant spot near the awning of the hotel she presumed he was staying at. The driver of her cab pulled in right behind them.

“Thaddal be $10.50 lady.” The cab driver called out to her.

Elizabeth got out of the cab. She stuck her head back in the open door to give him his money. Suddenly, she realized that in her haste to catch up to John, she had forgotten her purse.

“Shit. Wait here.” She requested, ignoring the cursing of the driver.

She turned around to see John running towards the awning. She called out as venomously as possible, “Just what the HELL do you think you’re doing?”

Startled, John turned around to see the furious face of the Atlantis Commander. “Elizabeth? What are you doing--.”

“Answer me, Major!” she demanded.

“You don’t give me orders…not here…not now.” He answered flippantly. John turned back towards the hotel entrance.

She lunged forward grabbing his jacket sleeve, stopping him. “John…what’s going on? This behavior…it isn’t like you.”

“No it isn’t.” he stated, yanking free from her loose grip.

"Please! Don't go," she begged catching up to him under the awning. Ignoring her, he kept walking towards the hotel door. "So that's it? You're giving up on me?” she called out. “I don't believe it!"

Suddenly he stopped walking and rounded on her, his resolve gone. “Jesus Christ ‘Lizabeth!” he whispered in a mirthless laugh. “I can’t pull one over on you…can I?”

“Excuse me?” she questioned.

He took a step closer, invading her personal space. “This." Sheppard spread his arms wide flipping water off of his jacket. "This was all planned out. I was going to tell you I couldn’t go back. You? You were supposed to accept my resignation without question. Dumb huh? Like you would ever let someone leave the city without a fight.” he smiled ruefully.

“No, not likely.” she agreed. "So this was all a ruse? Why John? Why the lies?” she questioned, her teeth chattering as the icy water seeped through her clothing.

“Not entirely lies Doctor. I did see Ford’s cousin today and crush her hopes. I do wonder when they will pull the plug because too many of my men and your brilliant scientists aren’t returning home alive. I know that the Wraith awakening was my fault…I’m not deluded or arrogant enough to think otherwise. I just chose to leave out that I _don't_ want to leave.”  
“Then why, John?" she asked pushing her soaking hair from her face. "Why play games?”

“I’m not playing, Elizabeth!” exasperated, he grabbed her shoulders holding her at arms length. “Don’t you understand? _They_ don’t want me back! They have threatened your position and mine!”

“They? They who?” shaking her head, completely confused.

“Landry, and the rest of the SGC committee.”

She shook her head in confusion. “Why? How? They don’t have the power--.”

“They do when it comes to me, and they can relay their concerns to the IOA.” he interrupted.

The mental light bulb came on in her mind finally understanding his ploy. Relief washed over her knowing the truth. “Okay, so what is their bargaining chip?”

John exhaled sharply. “They know.”

“Know? Know what, John? You’re going to have to give me more detail. I can’t read your—“

“How I feel about you Elizabeth! About how we hugged in the control room after the Daedalus transported me down. Someone must’ve leaked it to Landry. Between that and Kavanaugh’s hour long video-rant, they’ve put two and two together.”

“H…how you feel about me?” she asked, her mind barely wrapping around the concept. Elizabeth had never considered the possibility that John would share her feelings.

“I…it’s just…we…there’s this…God, Elizabeth…I…" He started many sentences and then took a deep breath. "I’m not any good with talking about feelings. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I care about you.” He said quickly, afraid of her reaction.

Her breath caught in her throat. Was he saying what she thought? Afraid of being wrong, Elizabeth played dumb. “I care about you too John…I care about everyone on the Atlantis mission…well except maybe Kavanaugh.” she rambled nervously.

“No, I don’t think you get it." He lifted a hand to the side of her face wiping away a droplet that had fallen from her hair to her cheek with his thumb. "I can't pretend I don't have feelings for you. I've almost lost you too many times. When Kolya said you were dead, a part of me died too. All I wanted to do was to make him and all the Genii pay in blood. When I found you alive, I prayed to God that I wouldn't lose you again. I can't stop caring about you. I can’t put your position in danger…and I can't go back to Atlantis knowing that you don't feel the same way because of…because of _him_."

Elizabeth stared speechlessly as a fresh batch of hot tears formed in her eyes. The forgotten taxi driver honked his horn obnoxiously behind them.

"Hey…hey don't cry.” He pulled her into a hug. John’s earlier felt guilt bubbling to the surface again. “Look, I'm sorry to lay all this on you. I mean it already looks like you've had a hell of a night."

Her tears fell uncontrollably, "He left me…Simon left me…and I don’t have any cab fare!" she blubbered.

"What?"

“I forgot my purse at my apartment and I can’t pay the driver—“ she sobbed hovering between embarrassment and hysterics.

“No.” he interrupted shaking his head. If she had not been so upset the situation might’ve been funny. “Not that. Wait here.” John let her go, pulling out his wallet from the back pocket of his pants. He ducked back into the rain and ran to the driver’s side door. He handed the small wad of bills to the driver. The driver responded with a rude gesture and peeled away from the sopping wet couple. Elizabeth shivered from the cold.

John realized the ridiculous state they were in, drenched and freezing. "Elizabeth, you want to come up to my room and warm up? No funny business, I swear."

She could only respond with an emotionally exhausted, borderlining on dejected, nod. 

He put his arm around her shoulders and escorted her into the lobby. A few moments later they were in his hotel room. He grabbed two towels and handed one to Elizabeth. “So, do want to tell me what happened?” he asked gauging by her earlier reaction that she may not be ready to share. To his surprise, she didn’t hold back.

"Simon. He told me that he found someone else while we were gone. I mean, I told him to do it. I thought we were going to die a painful, ugly death at the hands of the Wraith.” She moaned at her own bad pun. “I know it’s my fault that he left. I don't have the right to be angry. But…now… Now you're leaving me too, and I can’t--"

"Crap. ’Lizabeth, I should never have told you this. The last thing you need is to hear my problems. Come here," he said pulling her into a tight embrace. “I’m sorry, I should have just told you what Landry and Caldwell had planned.”

"You can't leave John. I don't think I can do this without you there." her plea partly muffled into his shirt.

He rubbed her back in an attempt to comfort her. "Caldwell will take command…you'll be fine." Though the idea of Caldwell taking his place made him sick to his stomach.

"No!" she cried pulling away from him suddenly. She began to pace across the hotel room, her emotions frayed. "I don't care about command. I need you with me John. Just you. When I thought Kolya was going to kill me, the only regret I had was that I wasn’t able to tell you how I felt.” She stopped pacing in front of him and stared into his green eyes. “Do you know I can't sleep when you're off world on missions? It’s like a part of me…crumbles to pieces when you're in danger. I've never had the courage to tell you before now, John. Don't you get it? You're my rock. You drive me crazy and you're what keeps me sane. You're--"

John suddenly reached out grabbing her hands attempting to get her to calm down. "I get it ‘Lizabeth. I’ll come back...Caldwell be damned." 

Joy and dread fought in Elizabeth’s mind. She’ll have John, but be stuck dealing with Caldwell. _If only John had the rank, half of this wouldn’t even be an issue._

A slow smile spread across Elizabeth’s face as an idea took hold in her mind. _I have the clout to do this._ She’d need to make a call to the President to present her case, and he’d talk to the IOA to seal the deal. _Yeah, this could work._ “I think I have a plan. They want a colonel? I’m going to make sure they’re getting the right colonel for the job…and I know just the guy.” 

His face contorted in confusion. “Who? Why do I feel like I’m not going to like this?” 

She chuckled knowing exactly how he was going to react when he found out. “Honestly John, at this point, it’s probably better you not ask.” 

John smiled and pulled her closer, sliding his hands around her waist to rest on her lower back. “Then I guess I’ll have to trust you. But _please_ tell me this colonel isn’t a jerk.” 

She merely smiled and shook her head to say no. 

He paused a moment to consider the future, _their future._ “Not to change the subject or anything. But…presuming I’m able to return to Atlantis without consequence…are we doing this?” he gestured back and forth between them. “Are we gonna to see where this is going? Us?” he asked, returning his hand to her back, pulling her closer against him.

Elizabeth smiled, and slowly nodded bringing her left hand up to rest on his chest and the other to his shoulder. “I think…we…yeah. Let’s see what happens.” 

“In that case, and since we’re getting everything out in the open, I really feel like...” he tilted his head down, stopping short of her lips and whispered, “I need to do this.” He closed the distance softly kissing her. 

She gasped in surprise at the touch of his lips, but quickly returned the kiss in earnest. It was over all too soon for her tastes, but breathing was necessity. Determined to not let the moment end, she ran her hands into his damp hair, pulling him down to meet her lips in another electrifying kiss. When they broke for air again, she smiled and reminded him, "I thought you said no funny business?"

He guiltily returned her smile and with a small laugh, whispered, “Well…I lied about that too.”

The End.


End file.
